Exerpt

I've always been a pretty successful person, considering. I wasn't born into this world with a lot of money, family stability or connections, but for my age and demographic, in my hometown, I was always kinda a star.

I was choir president my Senior Year of High School, President of the theatre club for the second year in a row, went to state competitions for various things three times that year and shot a sex ed film that is shown in classrooms all over the world now. I also starred in three plays and acted in two more. This is just an overview of what I was doin with myself when I wasn't in class (which wasn't a lot- I skipped at least one class a day, usually) or working (my senior year I worked at Hooters), or smoking, or fucking. I'm not trying to brag. I'm just sayin that I've always excelled at what I did. And that's just senior year.

I think it's cuz I had goals.

Now... I feel like I don't do anything I can put down on paper as "acomplishments". Yeah, I honestly love my life, and much happier than I was in High school.... But I'm not DOING anything with myself. Sure, I stay busy and active, and yes, I'm going to school, but I'm not even working on a degree! I'm jut takin classes and working to support my lifestyle. I have no savings or long term plans that make me want to save. I'd rather spend that extra twenty bucks on a gram.

I can see very easily how someone can end up working in a restaurant when they're 40.

But I don't want that to be me! I'm concious of whats goin on, so now I just gotta do something about it. I just don't know what...

Thank God I'm still young. I got an excuse. But if I'm in the same place in five years, or even three, that I am today, I'm going to get very nurvous.

When I daydream about my future, I see myself successful. Changing the world and affecting lives. But that don't mean shit unless I do something between now and then besides sit around and wait for it to happen.

It sucks that all my short term goals deal with money. If I gotta spend so much time focusing on rent, or work, or how I'm going to pay for this or that, when do I get to focus on L I V I N! not to mention my future.

Thats why the poor stay poor. They don't have any time to daydream.