Friday, February 27, 2009

Free Thought

I put on the song You're So Vain by Carly Simon and tried some random thought generating.

This is such a damn good song.

I wonder who this was written about?

I wish I had a song written about me.

Roxanna was written about Roxanna Arquette.

The entire Jagged Little Pill album was about that dude from Full House.

Ew.

That's such a good album- I can't believe it was about that white pasty guy.

You're So Vain reminds me certain people. It's a good break up song.

So is You Oughtta Know.

Damn, it's easy to get pissed off listening to this crap.

I'm overitoveritoveritoverit. Deep Inhale....

Annnnd.... breathe.

You told me you'd hold me until you died!!

I can't say any of this. I'll seem like a crazy person.

I don't need to give him the satisfaction of knowing I'm thinking about him anyway.

He knows.

But he misses me right now too.

I need to get laid.

Or dance. This is a really catchy song.

Or sing. This is a fun karaoke song.

New Status Update: Caroline cries.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Facebook

Facebook is taking up too much of my time lately. It's the first thing I check when I wake up in the morning, before I leave my house, and when I get home. Before dinner, after walking my dog, during a commercial break. I check it anytime I get on the computer and always first. Currently, Facebook is open in another tab of my browser right now.

I'm not proud of this. In fact, I'm pretty fuckin annoyed at myself. Yes, I keep in touch with certian people on facebook that I wouldn't get to otherwise. I also get to see their photos from their weekend, read what their friends from 6th grade write on their wall, and pay attention to what their are doing rightthisveryminute.

Nope, not proud of this at all.

I think I need a facation. A VAcation from FAcebook. [Damn I'm clever.] The thing making me hesitate more than anything is thinking about all those people that I only talk to on line... but I'll be back eventually, and I'll let em know first.

I think this will be good for me.

I am, also, a little dizzy from all these cleaning product fumes I've inhaled over the last couple hours, but that's why I'm taking a break from that.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Mz Independent

The other day, I heard something that made me think.

A friend was having a bad day. We all have our bad days, and the weight of hers read heavy on her face. But her reaction to it was really interesting. "I've been feeling like I need to have better boundaries lately," she said, her big eyes tired and a little wet. "And I think, that when you are trying to work on boundaries, the universe sends you situations to challenge your boundaries."

I agreed.

I also think that applies to any character trait. If you start thinking you need to work on your patience, you'll be stuck in traffic a lot more. If you want to improve your self discipline, you'll become bombarded by distractions. If you think you need more fidelity in your life, that hot chick at work will hit on you.

Our conversation got me thinking about the challenges in my life and what inner self improvements they could have stemmed from. Sales on cute clothes happen when I know I need to hang on to my money, and fun, exciting events are planned around days that I tell myself I need to focus. Then I started thinking about what I might need to work on right now. I'm big on self improvement, at least thinking about it. I decided the virtue needing most improvement in my life right now was independence. Since I was capable of forming my own thoughts, I've itched to do it on my own. And for the most part, I have. I was making my own decisons long before my peers were paying their own cellphone bills. The last few months, however, have found me backsliding a bit. Monday afternoon had me wondering, "how will the universe challenge me into regaining my independence?" Monday evening had my answer.

Turns out, the powers that be had been working on my ability to stand alone for a few months now. By driving me into the arms of someone who demanded my commitment but remained totally unreliable, by ripping my financial safety net out from under my free-falling body, the universe was showing me something that I had forgot. It's nice to rely on other people, but in the end, the only one you can hold accountable for your situation/happiness/safety is yourself.

I don't know what the next few months have in store for me, but I hope I can take the lessons of the last few months and learn from them. May I never put too much stake into another person again.

I posted this, then had to come back to clarify. I really like being in a relationship. I enjoy the stability that comes out of a partnership, and I like supporting another person as well. But there are ways to do that without loosing sight of yourself. And that's something the last six months can teach me.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

15 Greats

Think of 15 albums, CDs, LPs (if you're over 40) that had such a profound effect on you they changed your life. Dug into your soul. Music that brought you to life when you heard it. Royally affected you, kicked you in the wazoo, literally socked you in the gut, is what I mean. Then when you finish, tag 15 others, including me. Make sure you copy and paste this part so they know the drill. Get the idea now? Good. Tag, you're it!

I love music, so this is going to be fun for me :) I think a great album is one you can listen through in it's entirety and be moved, even just physically, by every song. I don't think I could make an argument that any of these are the best album EVER, (maybe some of them belong in the top ten tho) but all of these albums affected me personally.

1. Abbey Road- The Beatles
Arguably the best Beatle album. It made me cry the first time I heard it all the way though.

2. Street Gospels- Bedouin Soundclash
Great pop-y Canadian reggae. The description sounds like trash, but not so. Every song is a great one.

3. Graceland- Paul Simon
An album of my childhood. :) Paul Simon created a whole new sound that has yet to be copied. And he did it flawlessly.

4. Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme- Simon and Garfunkel
Another album of my childhood. I used to listen to this on tape until I wore it out. Beautifully poetic lyrics.

5. Tallahassee- The Mountain Goats
A heart wrenching story-in-album-form about an unhappy couple. More outstandingly beautiful lyrics.

6. Good News For People Who Love Bad News- Modest Mouse
Maybe certain Modest Mouse fans would argue that this isn't their best album, but I don't care. For me, this works as a cohesive thought, a story about dealing with death. This album goes through every stage of grief with some damn good beats to back it up.

7. OK Computer- Radiohead
This album introduced me to Radiohead and stayed in my CD player for months on replay. What can I say about the greatness of this album that hasn't already been said?

8. Dark Side of the Moon- Pink Floyd.
Repeat what I said about OK Computer, but replace Radiohead with Pink Floyd.

9. The Virgin Suicides- Air
Seeeexy sexy music from one of my favorite french bands.

10. Living In Clip- Ani DiFranco
Girl power done right. When I listen to this album, I remember why I wanna be Ani.

11. Beck- Mellow Gold
Beck is awesome.

12. Bishop Allen- The Broken String
Light, fun pop music with a sweet sensibility. Every song is catchy, and every lyric a gem.

13. Danger Mouse- The Gray Album
A mix of the White Album (which is ANOTHER amazing album by the Beatles) and the Black Album by Jay-Z, which is a great album in and of itself. I'm already a huge fan of remixes and covers, so this album is perfect for me.

14. The Last Five Years- Jason Robert Brown
TECHNICALLY this is a musical, but as an album is how I first heard it. For a little theatre geek, I didn't listen to a lot of musical albums in high school, but due to great music, wonderful lyrics and a heartbreaking story, this one was constantly in my CD player.

15. Preemptive Strike - DJ Shadow
This album introduced me to my favorite DJ, and is still my favorite of his.

16. De Stijl - The White Stripes
The White Stripes (along with the Beatles and the Mountain Goats) round out my top three favorite bands. This album doesn't get a lot of attention, but in my opinion it's heads and tails above the rest of their amazing work

17. The White Album - The Beatles
This album is just the fab four havin fun and bein creative. Maybe not all of the songs are radio-friendly, but they're all great.r

18. Rubber Soul - The Beatles
The first Beatles album I heard all the way through (besides that 1 album they released a decade or so ago) Maybe I'm over representing the Beatles on this list, but only because their music has meant so much to me.

19. Radiodread/Dub Side Of The Moon - Easy Star All Stars
Maybe it's cheating to put two albums under one number, but both of these cover albums affected me in the same way- they took albums that already meant a lot to me and made them new. After hearing the reggae version of both these albums, I had a new respect and listening love for the original. Plus, I'm a huge fan of cover songs.

20. 2nd To None- Elvis Presley
This in not an actual album, but rather a compilation CD of his early work. This is how I learned to love Elvis, though.

21. You've Come A Long Way, Baby -Fatboy Slim
I don't listen to any other Fatboy Slim album, but I love this one. It's perfect 90's techno. Every song is great.

22. Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots -The Flaming Lips
How I loved the Flaming Lips. Plus, as you might notice, I really like albums that tell a story, which this does.

23. Roseland NYC [LIVE} - Portishead
I love Portishead, but this is the album I reach for most. Hearing Beth Gibbons WAIL on the live version of Sour Times still sends shivers down my spine. Its kinda funny that I like this album so much- I usually hate live albums

24. Birth of Cool - Miles Davis
When I was in high school, this album, along with the Billie Holiday album later on this list, made me love Jazz. Miles knows how to play a horn (understatement of the year)

25. Cold, Cold Heart - Hank Williams
This is another compilation album, but it's a great one. Hank is in my top ten fav artists, and this album introduced me to him.

26. Lady Sings The Blues - Billie Holiday
Yet another compilation album from a great artist dead decades before I was born. This album made me love jazz and blues.

27. Riot On An Empty Street - Kings Of Convenience
Someone gave me a burned copy of this CD when I was in high school. I listened to it aaallll the time until my mom stole it and scratched it up. I never knew the name of the album until I googled the lyrics (still bouncing around in my head) recently. It still sounds great after all these years.

28. Lhasa De Sela - The Living Road
My aunt sent this to my mom as a christmas present one year. She listened to it and decided she didn't like it so I snatched it up. Lhasa sings beautiful haunting old-worldy music in french, english, and spanish.

29. The Cool- Lupe Fiasco
The second studio album from one of my favorite hip-hop artists. This album (like a lot of them on this list) tells a great story with sharp lyrics.

30. Volume One - She and Him
I'm listening to this now. :) This is just a sweet poppy album with a 60s feel that covers a few songs, including the beatles. Whats not to love?

I know it said 15, but I couldn't stop there. I actually had to edit to fit only 30. I also left out some of my favorite artists (Prince, Daft Punk) because they didn't have straight-up albums that affected me and some great Albums (Pet Sounds, Doolittle) because while I can appreciate their greatness, didn't change MY life.

Maybe I got too into this, but I'm really looking forward to readin what ya'll think are the best albums. Thoughts?

Monday, February 16, 2009

Monday Monday

I find myself a little restlessly disappointed in life lately. I feel flighty yet weighed down by heavy thoughts.

I wish school gave me more time to create.

I wish work gave me more stability for the time spent.

I wish I had the self control to use my time wisely.

I wish my phone wasn't a useless piece of plastic.

My my, I am negative this morning. I think there's something about Mondays that put me in a sour mood.

BUT! I have a story I want to write, something that came to me in a dream. Society as we know it has collapsed. There is no law, only looters. A strong willed, forward thinking single mom has managed to get her head about her faster than most, and, after gathering her brood, sent them out to find supplies for the new life ahead of them. They make a nice temporary shelter in the top floor of a school? prison? Psych hospital? and help anyone who passes through. However, others have heard of what this family has and want to take it... That was my dream, and I think what happens next will make a great story. Also, baby pandas and a yellow bike were in there too. I gotta find a way to work them in.

A couple of nights ago I had a dream that I was a Beatle, and we were all practicing our music (and choreography?) on a lawn. There's no story there, because that's all there was, but it's nice to be a part of your favorite band. It gave me a warm fuzzy feeling, and I woke up smiling.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Belated Goodbye

When I got *ahem* fired from the Clay Pit, I wrote this to my fellow employees. This was months ago, and the sentimentality has kinda wore off, but I always regretted not savin it. So here it is, exactly how it was on When To Waiter. Except I took my cell number off.

I'm not on the schedule next week.

Wow.

Tonight (section 1, 4?) is my last shift. To those of you I'll see- let's rock it! For those of you I won't, I'll miss you.

It's hard to say how much the Clay Pit has meant to me without sounding like a huge corn ball, but Ashley told me once to never miss a chance to give a compliment, so I'll take her advice and say:

I have been touched, moved, inspired, and impressed by so many of you. I'm younger than most clay pitters, and I've really learned a lot from all of you. If it wasn't for the 30+ hours a week I spend sautéing in curry with the rest of you, I would be solely surrounded by young dumb college students, who can't see beyond their world of fake IDs, hook-ups, and chemistry homework. Although anyone would group me into the same category, it's a little shallow. Soul Crushing.

So for me, going to work every day and being surrounded by people that were not *much* older than me, but just enough to be passed that... to whom Austin was not the center of the universe and who (like me!) were not relying on Daddy for their rent money... who were (for the most part) over childish behavior like not showing up for work and complaining about things that can't be changed... who understood hard work and how to make money, and, more importantly, how to make it count... who thought I was stupid (at first) but didn't hold it against me when they found out I wasn't.... well, it's really kept me going. Motivated me, and made me think of the kind of person I want to be now that I've flown from the nest and finally joined the flock of adults headed off into the sunset of life. (nice imagery, huh?)

Thank you for your time, your support, your laughter, and your gossip. Thank you for every time you ran my food, picked up my shift, or gave me the dust pan before anyone else. Thank you for sweeping my section or finishing my sidework when I forgot to or did a crappy job, and thank you for giving me a hard time when I did, because it's a lesson I need to learn.

I'll be back for the mussels and to catch up on the gossip, but whether I never see you ever again, or I move in next door and have your babies, know that my time at the Clay Pit was a special one for me. When I write my memoirs years down the line, there will be a whole chapter devoted to the Bertram building and all the crazy characters crawling around inside.

To round off this short novel of a goodbye, I will pass along the sage wisdom I have learned over the last nine and a half months to those who have just started and those who will be taking my place: lassis only last 4 days but require more sugar than the recipe says, always move the trash can when vacuuming the parlor, people love it when you put rice in their to-go boxes, and whenever a glass breaks in the kitchen, somewhere Caroline gets her wings.

Love you, miss you, and dreading the day I can no longer log into when to waiter...
Caroline
Keep in touch!
Moo