Mz Independent

The other day, I heard something that made me think.

A friend was having a bad day. We all have our bad days, and the weight of hers read heavy on her face. But her reaction to it was really interesting. "I've been feeling like I need to have better boundaries lately," she said, her big eyes tired and a little wet. "And I think, that when you are trying to work on boundaries, the universe sends you situations to challenge your boundaries."

I agreed.

I also think that applies to any character trait. If you start thinking you need to work on your patience, you'll be stuck in traffic a lot more. If you want to improve your self discipline, you'll become bombarded by distractions. If you think you need more fidelity in your life, that hot chick at work will hit on you.

Our conversation got me thinking about the challenges in my life and what inner self improvements they could have stemmed from. Sales on cute clothes happen when I know I need to hang on to my money, and fun, exciting events are planned around days that I tell myself I need to focus. Then I started thinking about what I might need to work on right now. I'm big on self improvement, at least thinking about it. I decided the virtue needing most improvement in my life right now was independence. Since I was capable of forming my own thoughts, I've itched to do it on my own. And for the most part, I have. I was making my own decisons long before my peers were paying their own cellphone bills. The last few months, however, have found me backsliding a bit. Monday afternoon had me wondering, "how will the universe challenge me into regaining my independence?" Monday evening had my answer.

Turns out, the powers that be had been working on my ability to stand alone for a few months now. By driving me into the arms of someone who demanded my commitment but remained totally unreliable, by ripping my financial safety net out from under my free-falling body, the universe was showing me something that I had forgot. It's nice to rely on other people, but in the end, the only one you can hold accountable for your situation/happiness/safety is yourself.

I don't know what the next few months have in store for me, but I hope I can take the lessons of the last few months and learn from them. May I never put too much stake into another person again.

I posted this, then had to come back to clarify. I really like being in a relationship. I enjoy the stability that comes out of a partnership, and I like supporting another person as well. But there are ways to do that without loosing sight of yourself. And that's something the last six months can teach me.