Last Dance With Mary Jane

Here I am, starting what feels like my first real blog in a while. The last couple weeks have been a blur of moving, money issues and heart break, all clouded up by a fog of marijuana smoke. 

BUT!

I'm quitting the mary jane Monday after one last big ole bowl. I really really really really don't want to, but I feel like if I don't follow through on this, I won't be able to look myself in the face. In the mirror. 

So in order to make up for the three months of sobriety (at least from the wacky weed) that are to come, I've been tokin it up a lot. A lot. 

I haven't thought clearly in months, but on purpose. Besides when I was out of town, it has been months since I went more than a day without being high all day long. I know it's summer, and that's what you're supposed to do, but I also know I spent waaaaay too much money on dope these last few months and that I was way less productive than I said I would be. 

I'm kinda scared though. I'm not gonna lie. I've been thinking about me quitting every day for the last few weeks, what with the impending doom headed in my direction. 

I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it. Most of my pot head friends have been tryin to talk me into makin exceptions- only on weekends, or just quit for a week. But as temptin as that sounds, I know that would be cheatin. 

If I can get through these next three months - and seriously, what's three months in the span of a lifetime? Nuttin, that's what - I can use them productively and be proud of myself. 

Unless I become a lush, which is always a possibility.