L O V E

How do you really judge love? Is it even possible? Are you ever really sure how much someone cares about you... or should you always snuggle with one eye open, second guess, and not ever jump in eyes closed and feet first? And on that note, are you ever sure how you feel about someone, or are your feelings about someone else just reflections of how you feel about yourself?

And on that note, how do you know if anything's real? The grass the sky, the feelings you feel beatin inside your own chest?

Woah, that's takin it a little too far. I need to back up now...

I feel like a drama queen a lot lately. Not on purpose, I don't need the added attention or for my life to be difficult. But when you feel something so intensely your heart is melting in your chest, your blood is skipping in your veins and your breath comes out in pulses, people see that, and that tends to draw a little attention to yourself.

It sucks to care so much about someone. Anyone. Parents die, children grow up and hate you, friendships fade and lovers aren't perfect. People are bound to disappoint and hearts were made to be broken.

But right now, the thought roaming around in my skull is how terrified I would be if someone very near and dear- the top eight (or ten, twelve or fifty-two) of my life, you could say- were to get hurt in some way. Even just the stupid little stuff I want to feel for them. Their stubbed toe is my stubbed toe, the hangovers, embarrassment, parking tickets, and shitty days at work I take on like my own.

Am I being too sensitive? Do I have the right to feel so responsible? It's selfish in a way, to think that you have to take care of those you love like that. It's a mockery of self importance to title yourself superman, savior of the world.

But the thought that the last few days events has brought back to the front and center of my brain is one that I used to fear for a lot in high school. It would hit me in the middle of a hug, or while I watched him play with his friends or tell a joke and then just laugh and laugh and laugh.

If anything were to happen to my baby brother, I would loose my mind. Literally and fully. I couldn't live.