On Blogging And Alcohol

I really should be doin homework :)

Or a million other things besides this. I really don't want to think about it. 

But I'm really lovin bloggin. I'm feelin energized and inspired by my own thoughts read and reread over again as I roll em around my brain. My thoughts fly out the tips of my fingers and all over the computer screen so much more quickly than when I write them. And since I'm really just writing to myself, everything I have to say is interesting. I can talk about myself and whatever useless point might tickle my fancy at the time. Like vegetables versus fruit, the stigma of being naked, and how much I hate school. I have all kinds of blogs just waiting to come out of me. Maybe I'll try some open letters. 

Here's one now-

 I'm really surprised how quickly it took me to get over you. I'm not discounting my feelings, because I know that I really did care about you, but it's kinda surprising that - just like that - one day I was able to wake up and not think about you with my heart fluttering around like a handful of petals in the wind. Oh, also, you're never going to get out. And that thought doesn't hurt me any more. 

Hmm... That didn't feel as good as I thought it would... but who cares? This is my fucking blog- I can put whatever I want! F-R-E-E-E-E ing.

Like how I feel about drinking. I don't like to drink. Getting drunk is high on my least favorite activities list. I don't like how the world doesn't sit still, and how incredibly shitty I feel the next day. Like I'm sick, like I have the period cramps from hell, like my small intestine is carving it's name (Juniper) on the inside of the flesh that stretches across my belly.

Why do I do it, though? What could possibly inspire me to want to drink so much I have to get up close and personal with my toilet? 

I think it's because I want to feel like shit.

Everyone has their self destructive behaviors, and I've noticed that every time I've gotten druuuunnk, it was because I wasn't feeling too good in the rest of my life. I always know what's going to happen when I have more than four drinks, and I never like it. 

If I had a nickel for every time I've said "This is why I don't drink"....

I would have a lot of nickels.

It kinda sucks that what I always choose to do when I'm spiritually not feeling well makes me physically ill as well, but maybe it's a good thing. I don't drink very often, besides a beer here and there. If I liked drinking more, I would probably be gettin drunk every weekend, and then nursing a hang over every Monday. 

Ugh. I'm just imagining waking up sick every morning. I pity alcoholics. And I really want a cigarette.