- unpackin. Still haven't done it
- read 60 pages of Stanislofsky's book for theatre
-also for theatre, find and memorize a monologue to audition with on Wed
- clean my room
- set up an ACC account for my classes and contact two of my teachers.
- pick up the bookshelf I bought from blue velvet. I might never get it...
-pay my rent
- write an article for the Scenarios USA magazine! I can't believe I've put this off for so long....
- Hang out with Jarymar today from 1 to whenever I work. Which means none of this stuff is gonna get done. *Gulp*
-Free day of yoga?
- Work SIX shifts this week, and another one tonight. So technically seven in eight days. On top of school four days a week. Niiice.
I don't like reading this stuff. I know how behind I am in my life through this little buzzing voice in the back of my head, but it's scary to see it all out there in ink. Or zeros and ones which this technically is. The deadline for this stuff is either overdue or today. And yet, instead of hunkerin down and actually taken care of what I need to, I'll go get brunch and watch movies, or party like it's 1999.
I get so jealous when I see my friends who don't work or don't go to school, who have the transportation that getting around doesn't take twice as long as it should, who can take off when they want to, who have half the responsibilities I do.
I'm nineteen! I have no major bills or debt, I don't have any children or parents depending on me to bring home the bacon- these should be the days of my life. The days where I can stay in my pjs all day, go on road trips just cuz I want to, stay up til 7 AM and sleep til 4 PM. But I can't. I really shouldn't be indulging myself in the lite leisure time I have been so far. I don't have the time, or use the time that I do have well enough to justify hangin out n havin a beer after work, or sleeping in til noon.
And that pisses me off.
It's not fuckin FAIR that I have to be mature and responsible and take care of myself. All I get from it is a sense of smug self satisfaction when dealin with friends who's parents pay for everything, but it's really not worth getting to pay my own bills.
I know it'll pay off in the long run, but I'm so afraid that I'm going to wake up one day, be old fat and ugly, with so many more responsibilities than I have now, and have never been to Europe, lived in New York, or taken mushrooms on a roller coster. I don't want to wait til my kids are grown, my morgage is paid and I'm retired to live life- I wanna do it NOW!!
But right right now, I have to get the fuck off the computer and get some of that school stuff taken care of. Blah.
Have I mentioned before that this blog is much more negative than I feel? Cuz it is.
1 comment:
I became independent from my parents at 18, back in 1975. I never looked back, and never had the lamentations you're having about friends who neither work nor go to school. Who are these people? Taking care of yourself is just something you do. And I think you know that.
Fantasies about sex with your theatre teacher? Ugh! Your Oral Interp teacher maybe, b/c generally speaking, we're hotter (insert joke about oral skills here).
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